Archive for the ‘Horror Bloggers’ Category
Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments
The horror hostess with the mostest over at The Horror Digest started the internet phenomena known as “Top 10 Willy Inducing Moments“. Being that over in these climes the word willy is more commonly used to describe the purple headed custard chucker and being that I rely on lame humour, made-up words, euphemisms and over-worked metaphors rather than any writing talent to prevent myself from being bullied in the horror circles, this post was far too much innuendo opportunity to resist. An added bonus is I get to send a tweet to a respected pillar of the horror blogosphere saying “Check out my Top Ten Willy Inducing Moments”… that combined with the fact that Troma God Lloyd Kaufman has referred to me as an “asshole” in an interview this week will probably ensure that this week is the peak of my blogging diversion according to my purile mind.
THIS POST CONTAINS SPOILERS
The creepiest or most disturbing parts of movie are usually saved for the money-shot and this is often where my willies come from (or is that the other way round) so there will be endings spoiled. The plus side is that my taste in movies tends towards obscure crap so I am probably spoiling movies you will never want to see.
Willy Number 1:
My only experience of Korean culture is from horror movies, if I had to report back to the alien overlord on the potential of conquering Earth based on just this knowledge I would suggest trying a different planet first and coming back to this one once all the children had grown up because Korean kids can be creepy as fuck. Possessed, angry, Korean children yelling and falling downstairs is even more creepy and that is why Phone (Pon) and Yeoung-ju spazzing at the top of the stairs has left a lasting scar on my cortex.
Willy Number 2:
Over to Italy for a date with The Goremaster Fulci and his classic bit of zombie madness, The Beyond. The scene in the morgue where the acid melts the cadaver(ish) slab dweller under the watchful gaze of a ginger kid marks a turning point in the movie and is the start of a whole bunch of willies. Yes, the scene is unbelievable as the majority of people would have tried to run faster than fat camp kids to an ice-cream van as soon as it strated getting freaky but the tension built up to this point, the unnatural disco styled yet haunting piano music and the nightwalker child make quite a lasting impression in the context of the whole experience.
Willy Number 3:
The sweet and carefree mantra of Asami as she drives long pins into her paralysed date still haunts me to this day, Takashi Miike once again manages to disturb and freak out simultaneously in this scene from Audition. “kiri kiri kiri” means “deeper, deeper, deeper” and is not the kind of thing that you want the love of your life to be saying as she drives pins into the most sensitive parts of your body if that wasn’t what you signed up for. While this kind of behaviour can inspire a different kind of willy movement for some males the unwillingness and the uncertainty of whether survival is an option in this game of sub-dom makes for a rather disturbing moment after being lulled into the security of a romantic endeavour.
Willy Number 4:
Hospitals are scary places, mentally unstable people are unsettling, old people wear scary clothes… mentally unstable old people in floral dresses crawling along the ceiling of hospitals is enough to inspire sleepless nights that no amount of bear tranquilizer can fix. Exorcist 3: Legion shows just this and the scene has already been set as an perturbing scenario when the nimble OAP crawls along the ceiling above the oblivious Kinderman. The fact that he fails to notice plus the agility of our possessed coffin dodger makes this another moment of willy inducement.
Willy Number 5:
The self taxidermy machine in Taxidermia is almost as brain staining as the vomit-a-thon in the same movie but as this is about willies and I have no Roman fetishes then this scene is the one that gets a mention. It is the finale of the movie and if you are not in a mentally strange place by this point in the movie then I’m sure there are tablets and a nice padded cell in your near future. When the third generation of the family focussed on achieves his life-long goal of preserving himself the motivations and inspirations for such an act require some deep thought and a reality check if you are thinking too hard. Definitely strange and unsettling and possibly not a movie to be showing people that tortured small animals in their childhood.
Willy Number 6:
A personal phobia of mine is being trapped in a dark confined place with no way out… if the only way out is through an underwater tunnel of unknown length then I would probably be more comfortable closing my eyes and waiting until I died of decomposition. For this reason The Descent freaks the living fuck out of me on numerous occasions. There is no point in being a closet claustrophobic and that is why I am quite open about it, the uncertainty of escape makes me want to give up as this is always the easiest option and for that reason I nominate the whole of The Descent as my personal willy.
Willy Number 7:
A favourite scare inducer of the horror movie maker is using creepy dolls, the old porcelain dolls adored by the Victorians makes me wonder how anyone used too sleep back then and when the invention of time travel becomes a reality I am going to make my millions buy returning to that age and getting the population hooked on Tamezepam. The doll that afflicted me with pediophobia is that ugly little sandal wearing fucker from Reincarnation (Rinne). The evil person that though a wide-eyed ugly doll would be a good toy for Japanese children is obviously the reincarnation of Hitler or I am more of a wuss that Japanese children. Faced with the prospect of snuggling up to that doll or the potential of a resurrected Hitler trying to spoon me I would take Hitler every time.
Willy Number 8:
Willy Number 9:
Fifty Four Japanese school girls holding hands, smiling and singing before throwing themselves under the fast train resulting in a tremendous and splattery bloodbath accompanied by kooky music is bound to leave an impression. This is how Sion Sono decides to start Suicide Club (Suicide Circle) and once you have time to reflect on the occurrence that has just occurred then a lot of morbid and disturbing thoughts surface. The willingness to jump and the elation on these innocents’ faces as they leap to their doom makes this scene so much more intense and the scale of the demise is phenomenal for the first few moments of a film. So much life wasted as nearly an entire school of youngsters are chuffed to bits to be chuffed to bits.
Willy Number 10:
Although often criticized the ending to Eden Lake has had a profound impact on my view of British horror. The pointlessness to Jenny’s struggle throughout her entire getaway by the lake is hammered home as the freaks win and continue to live their happy lives. This scene is what nails this movie as a horror and also makes some pensive yet cynical reflections on society in this country. The scumbags victory is all the more willy inducing as these willy inducers could be living next door with their shady little community lives slipping below my personal radar. Heavy shit and in my opinion it is the highlight of the movie rather than the ruination.
Bring Classic Horror Back To Television – An Interview with Cyberschizoid
Steve: You are currently spearheading a campaign to bring back classic horror to UK BBC TV. What is your main motivation for this? How do you feel that the BBC is neglecting horror fans?
Cyberschizoid: My motivation behind the campaign is partly nostalgia and partly frustration.
Nostalgia for those lazy Summer evenings when I was a kid and first discovering my love of horror films thru watching BBC2′s Horror Double Bill seasons every Saturday night with my family and eventually by myself. Frustration at the fact that there are virtually no classic old horror movies screened on UK television anymore. I want todays kids to be able to experience classic horror, sci-fi and monster movies like I did and I know many older fans want these films back on their screens.The BBC is neglecting ALL film fans, not just horror fans by denying us the right to view these classics for free on television.
Steve: Your campaign is focussed on classic horror, the likes of Universal and Hammer, why have you chosen to focus on this sub-genre rather than horror as a whole? What is it about the classics that you think is worth campaigning for?
Cyberschizoid: The reason I’m focussing on the classics is partly because they are the movies originally screened during the Horror Double Bills and because of the reasons given above. These films are part of our cultural heritage and should be shown on tv where everyone can see them. It’s not just the Hammer and Universal films we want back on tv; it’s any horror movie made before the end of the 1980′s really. Cult films that never get aired – Amicus, RKO, Tyburn, AIP and the rest. These films are worth championing for many reasons, one of which is that they didn’t rely on awful CGI effects and many had an air of innocence that most of todays horror films lack.
Steve: Tell us a few of your favourite movies that you would like to see the BBC show and what it is about these particular movies that makes you think the general public needs them in their lives.
Cyberschizoid: I guess the obvious Universal classics like “Bride of Frankenstein”, “Dracula”, “The Wolfman” and suchlike should be screened purely because they are undisputed classic films and are still influencing horror fans and horror movies to this day. These classics never see the light of day on British tv screens anymore and todays younger audiences are missing out on a wealth of entertainment and cultural heritage. Just check out the comments on our petition to see how much this campaign means to people and why THEY want these movies back in their lives.
I would also love the BBC to screen all the classic Japanese monster movies of the 50′s, 60′s and 70′s such as the Godzilla series, Rodan and Gamera even though these weren’t initially aired as part of the Horror Double Bill seasons. These fun films have never really had much air time in the UK and would be great for kids just getting into the monster, sci-fi and horror genres as well as the older crowd who just want to see a bit of harmless fun on their tv screens! You have to remember that not everyone can afford to go out and buy these movies on dvd and many viewers probably aren’t even aware that most of these films even exist!
Steve: Do you think that there is a genuine demand for these kind of movies? The horror market is saturated with big budget remakes, 3D and computer effects and this seems to be what the majority want. Do you think that the current horror audience will embrace classic horror?
Cyberschizoid: There will always be a demand for great movies of all kinds. The reason these dreadful horror remakes perform so well at the box-office is because they are the only horror films being released into movie theatres. Kids don’t know any better because they haven’t had the opportunity to see the older horror movies. I think todays horror audience (certainly the real fans) are a very open-minded group of people who are willing to embrace the past as well as looking to the future. I have watched a few of the 3D horror films recently just because of the novelty factor and because the 3D does actually enhance what is usually a pretty average product. My favourite was actually a remake – “My Bloody Valentine 3D”!
Steve: How can our readers help the campaign?
Cyberschizoid: There are many ways that your readers can help our campaign!
First of all, SIGN THE PETITION! And please forward the petition to friends and other horror fans.
Secondly, write to the BBC and ask politely that they bring back BBC2′s Horror Double Bills. I have provided the email addresses for BBC Points of View and Radio Times TV listings magazine. Other BBC addresses can be found online.
Thirdly, write or email the various film magazines such as SFX, Sci-Fi Now, DVD & Blu-Ray World, Gorezone, Empire and any others you can think of to tell them about our campaign.
Join our Facebook Page “Bring Classic Horror Back to Television Alliance” to show your support and join in discussions about the classic horror movies.
If you’re on Twitter, tweet the links for the petition, Facebook page etc and use the hashtag #classichorrorcampaign
If you can think of any other ways to promote this campaign on websites, blogs, internet forums, local newspapers, podcasts, television – just go for it and let us know how you get on!
Thanks for all the support!
Sign The Petition
Support “Bring Classic Horror Back to Television Alliance” on Facebook
Bring Classic Horror Back To Television Blog
Useful Email addresses – Get mailing!
- Radio Times – radio.times@bbc.co.uk
- BBC Points of View – pov@bbc.co.uk
- DVD & Blu-Ray World magazine – info@dvdworldmagazine.com
- SFX magazine – sfx@futurenet.co.uk
- Gorezone magazine – info@gorezone.co.uk
Interview with Mike & Ike
Nearly everyone will have heard of Mike and Ike the chewy, fruit flavoured fat-free candies and most will have heard of Mike and Ike the budgies of so many hilarious YouTube videos. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem that enough of you know about Mike and Ike the entertainment gurus for the neo-millennium and the officially acknowledged unofficial spokeswhores for Evil Dead-The Musical. Well you should as society would benefit from their fame! Here is why they hate budgies but can still tolerate candy.
Steve: Firstly by way of introducing yourselves can you let me know who’s not Mike, who’s not Ike, what do you do and why do you do it?
Mike: (English accent) Well, there are a lot of Mikes.
Ike: (Southern accent) There are a lotta Ikes.
Mike: There are even more not Mikes.
Ike: Ditto.
Mike: But we are the ONLY Mike & Ike.
Ike: Except for the candy.
Mike: (Short pause) We are the ONLY Mike & Ike that matter.
Ike: And what do we do?
Mike: We smoke an exceptional amount of pot, we watch an exceptional amount of entertainment, and, in the long term, we are building an all encompassing media empire. In the short tern, we are building an army of higher life forms that appreciate artistic genius and are tired of the continual short comings of overpaid, douche bags. And why do we do it?
Ike: Cause we’re stoned.
Steve: Apart from being the entertainment gurus for the neo-millennium, you are also officially acknowledged unofficial spokeswhores for Evil Dead-The Musical, what is your connection with said musical and what makes you two the spokeswhores?
Mike: We first heard about the show in 2006 before it came to Broadway.
Ike: We knew it had dancin’ zombies, we knew it had a song called “What the Fuck was That”, we knew we had ta see it.
Mike: You know, all this information is available in the archives at Mike & Ike at MySpace
Ike: But since we know you’re a lazy bastard like us, here are the bullet points:
Mike: We heard about the show, we started whoring it before we saw it. Because of our whoring, we got written and video interviewed with both the 2006 Broadway cast AND the 2007 Toronto cast. After that, we asked George Reinblatt, who wrote the book, lyrics, and a lot of the music, if we could give ourselves that illustrious title and he, being a fan, said yes.
Ike: Shameless self whorin:’ There was a production last year here in Ohio. Partially because of us, that became the longest running show in the the-ater’s history.
Mike: Definitely because of us, Mr. Reinblatt came down to Ohio to see the show, and loved it.
Ike: And THAT’S what makes us the officially acknowledged unofficial spokeswhores for Evil Dead-The Musical
Mike & Ike: (Together) THE GREATEST PIECE OF ENTERTAINMENT IN THE HISTORY OF HISTORY PERIOD
Steve: You obviously have a great passion for as well as a great knowledge of some obscure areas of horror. What about the horror genre makes you foamy at the crotch and what horror movies have had the most impact on your state of mental unfitness?
Mike: Humor and horror have a lot in common. There is a set up, there is a punchline, and there is a physical response. The only real difference is the response.
Ike: And we like scarin’ people. We think it’s funny.
Mike: And as for horror films that have unfitted our mentality, here is a brief list: The Exorcist
Ike: George Romero’s Day of the Dead.
Mike: John Carpenter’s Halloween.
Ike: Anthony Spadaccini’s Head Case.
Mike: And Sleepless in Seattle.
Ike: Oh fuck, I forgot about that thing.
Mike: I didn’t.
Steve: Another of your passions seems to be the bountiful herb garden created by our Lord Satan to make us question the existence of God. How do the magical herbs available inspire and influence your quirky methods of film critique?
Mike: Two things: 1. When we’re stoned, it’s a lot easier to notice plot holes and the never ending stupidity of most Hollywood films.
Ike: And B. Half a Falcor and 20 minutes a writin’ and we had the script for Surprise which 15 people now have said scared them more than Paranormal Activity.
Mike: Pot makes you lazy, my ass. It makes you as lazy as you want to be.
Ike: And by the way, Satan did not bless us with pot. Paladine did.
Mike & Ike: (Together) Palido Calib.
Steve: What is in the pipeline for Mike and Ike with regards to world domination of the entertainment industry? What can we expect to have seen from you two in five years time?
Ike: Depends on when someone gives us money.
Mike: Or wider exposure.
Ike: I want the money. If I want exposure I’ll go to the library again.
Mike: Know this. We have a very detailed business plan. All we need is the exposure.
Ike: All we need is the money,
Mike: But until then, Series
Ike: Season
Mike: Two of our webseries will be premiering soon.
Ike: Which is a helluva lot different than season
Mike: Series
Ike: One. But we still got the same production values.
Mike: There is a reason our company is called Very Amateurish Productions. But no matter what we do, you can be sure of one thing. It will either be funny or it will make you want to shower afterward.
Ike: Or both.
Steve: Tell me a bit more about how you plan to outsmart your main competitors in the near future to enable you to become for popular than the already cult status budgerigars and fruit flavoured candy?
Mike: We’ve already outsmarted our competitors.
Ike: No challenge there.
Mike: Again, we just need the right people to notice us.
Ike: And give us money.
Mike: Once we are noticed
Ike: And have money.
Mike: We’ll buy a LOT of pot.
Ike: A lotta shotguns.
Mike: To shoot the budgies
Ike: And a lotta fruit flavoured candy.
Mike: Because we will definitely have the munchies.
Steve: Would you punch a Koala while it slept?
Mike: Only if it was five years old. We DO have standards.
Ike: By the way, in addition ta the myspace page. Ya can find us on YouTube and on Twitter
Mike: And on the walls of several post offices.
Ike: So until they catch us
Mike & Ike: (Together) Namaste.
Still craving budgies and candy? Maybe these will change your mind:
A Smattering of Butt-Kissery
I feel the need to make this post as I’ve been infected by the Kreativ blogger virus/chain-letter but I have been wanting to give some love to the plethora of remarkable horror bloggers that I have come into contact with (mostly via Twitter) and am also secretly quite proud that my site has been noticed! Yes I’m late but I’ve been quite busy procrastinating about life recently. I have to stress that choosing seven horror blogger that I feel the need to pass this onto has been one of the most arduous task that I have ever had since I started this site and I also feel very undeserved of being passed this “award” as I would never consider myself in the same league as the people about to get mentioned. But here’s what I’ve got to do:
- Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
- Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
- Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
- Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
- Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
- Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
- Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated
- Massive thankies to Bloofer Lady from Horror Crypt, I think you passed this on to me because you couldn’t think of anyone and I happened to tweet when you were writing your post, but I am ignoring that possibility and being proud and feeling honoured that you thought of me because you are an avid reader of my drivel. I love reading your articles and love your rebellious attitude, you have an awesome viewpoint and I frequent your site often. Also please don’t post “Guess the Movie” and then go to work as I am fed up of sitting in front of Twitter pressing F5 for eight hours wondering if I have guessed correctly!
- Done that ages ago.
- Shit… don’t wanna do this as I may lose that mysteriousness I have been credited with and have had enough wine to unleash a copious amount of “destined for regret” honesty… for but here goes…
- I started my site as a spam site to profit from Amazon Affiliates but as soon as I got a few compliments for my reviews I felt dirty trying to exploit my horror passion and canned most of it and now do it for the love of horror movies.
- I mostly listen to hip-hop and feel totally surrounded by metal-heads in the horror world.
- I have an honours degree in Computing and Mathematics and am a total nerd by day.
- The most influential movie in my life is “Fight Club”… and I consider it a bad influence.
- The first time I visited a physiotherapist I didn’t expect her to ask me to strip down to my boxers and soon regretted wearing “Mr. Blobby” Christmas underwear.
- I could totally beat Edward Scissorhands in a game of “Rock, Paper, Scissors”.
- I haven’t read horror fiction for over 15 years but I do read books about physics, genetics and mathematics. (NEEERRRRDDD)
- Nominate 7 blogs… this was tough… also I have been mentally battling as to what is considered a blog and a normal site. I understand from a technically-nerdy point of view but non-nerdy people have differing opinions so sorry if you are a blog and I have dismissed you because I consider you a website. (PS I consider Horror Extreme a website with a blog in it so personally I doubly don’t consider myself worthy of this award)… I nominate:
- Dollar Bin Horror is more than just a nicely written review blog, it is driven by a really cool concept of affordable horror for budgetary constrained horror fans. This concept is what makes it stand out for me. Follow DollarBinHorror on Twitter
- TheAvod is once again driven by a cool concept in that it is an audio blog. Count Vardulon and The DiveMistress also provide an immensely entertaining commentary on horror movies and TV and a cocophany of infectious giggling. Follow TheDivemistress and Vardulon on Twitter
- The Paradise of Horror is Mr. Johnny Sandman sometimes known as FreddysFingers is one of the first people to make me realize that the horror blogosphere was such a friendly place. He is also a blogging machine and maintains a very frequently updated, intelligent and creative blog and I would definitely credit him with having inspired me to take my website more seriously! Follow FreddysFingers on Twitter
- The Screamstress is another blogging machine with a passion for horror and the latest horror info that appeals to a person like myself, plus a self confessed Argento addict, so what’s not to love!!! Follow TheScreamstress on Twitter
- Yes, I’m gonna butt-kiss now but The Vault of Horror is one of the first blogs that inspired me to pursue the writings of horror fans on the internet proving to me that the real quality horror sites are created by the die hard horror fans. This guy also has an amazing horror community spirit and has highlighted to me a multitude of high quality horror blogs that I now frequent often. Follow b_sol on Twitter
- The Horror Digest is a witty and really enjoyable writer with a great taste in movies and an awesome attitude plus she has an amazing ability to think up post titles that make it impossible not to read the whole damn thing! Follow thehorrordigest on Twitter
- Zombies DON’T Run is another witty blog covering a whole host of horror related subjects with a really relaxed and comforting writing style. Awwww! Follow chuckconry on Twitter
- See Above… Will be giving you all a link in the links section if you ain’t there already (See Below)
- My modesty forbids me to go spamming these talented people, that could change next time I’m sat infront of Twitter with a bottle of Scotch wanting some attention… but for now… Shhhh! My new year’s resolution is to become a bit more interactive with these sites and I expect I’ll be leaving comments about articles rather than helping propagate the awards virus. Also as the internet is swamped with awards at the moment I don’t expect anyone to go through passing this on!
I have only scratched the surface of the massive amount of horror websites I have encountered since starting this little venture and am working hard on the links section on this site to show some more love but having 3 full time jobs to support my twelve children whilst maintaining a home for 100 orphaned kitty cats doesn’t leave me with much time nowadays. Some of that last sentence was a lie… I’m just really lazy!
Thanks for stopping by!
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