Albino Farm (2009)

The legend is real...
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Albino Farm - The legend is real...

A mixture of dwarves, hot chicks, deformed rednecks, Jesus freaks and Bianca Barnett's boobs is a recipe that belongs in God's DVD cookbook, but the combination of the ingredients only is not enough as time and care need to go into the preparation of said ingredients for an outstanding straight-to-DVD horror cupcake. Albino Farm has the correct ingredients but the first half of the movie comes across as an attempt to cash in on the popularity of other redneck slashers such as Wrong Turn and remakes of certain movies from the seventies when rednecks were previously fashionable. The ingredients are perfect for this genre but they are not used to their maximum potential for the majority of the time and for the most part the viewer is subjected to failed jump scares and annoying terrorised teens that may have benefitted from a splattery demise before the credits to engage the viewer in some R rated gore to inspire continued watching. Continued watching is recommended though, but if you were expecting more gore than Michael J. Fox testing out shaving with his new straight razor then you will need to wait about an hour.

Directors and writers Joe Anderson and Sean McEwen manage to create some original misfit characters in an original rural setting a bit closer to civilisation than the stereotypical hillbilly setting of "middle of nowhere", which adds an extra element of "freaky town" movie to the experience. Thrown into this scenario are some of the most stereotypical potential victims whose reason for being there is a road trip to document rural culture for a school project. We have a studious and sensible Gwen (Tammin Sursok, possibly most famous for her role in Home and Away... final girl maybe?), Melody the slightly rebellious party girl, Brian the douchebag joker in the Hawaiian shirt and Sanjay the sensible with a hint of rebellion dude.

Patience is definitely a virtue to benefit from Albino Farm and after a slow and clichéd start, the movie jumps up numerous notches on the horror scale after the panicked posse's adventure stumbles them upon the Albino Farm, the local legend of Shiloh (the town where their tyre burst and they realized they couldn't get cell phone signals). Within minutes we meet the underground uber-mifits of Shiloh and two of our unhappy campers meet violent hook inspired fatal injuries at the hands of Pig Bitch (Bianca Barnett) and her team of friends unfit for integration with the already fairly intriguing residents of Shiloh.

The movie ends nicely as the true extent of the twisted little town of Shiloh is revealed and at the end of another movie this would be a harrowing revelation but in this situation the atmosphere hasn't been built up enough to have the impact that a donkey punch from The Hulk could deliver. The small gore and terror injection just previous to the final girl's enlightenment just isn't adequate to deliver a full on feeling of fear. Albino Farm has so much potential as a contender for the redneck slasher hall of fame but what is dispensed is a seemingly rushed production with an exciting twenty minutes and a cool ending that would have benefitted from a bit more atmosphere in the first hour.

There are a few memorable gore scenes such as Pig Bitch's beautiful hook through the palate scene, some nice arm snappage and a wholly awesome sewing together of two of our defenceless teens. Once again these scenes have the potential to be parts of a truly spectacular movie but despite some creative ideas and good effects they are delivered as disjointed chunks of gore entertainment.

Compared to the obvious dreck that has been made to exploit the redneck slasher genre Albino Farm has masses of plus points, the issue is that there was so much more potential here. The story is good, the characters are right for the story, the misfits are disturbing and there is some nice gore (although not much). This should be awesome but it is average due to lack of atmosphere and insufficient build up to render the scares scary. In conclusion Albino Farm had all the right ingredients but required cooking for a bit longer. Worth a watch for Pig Bitch and friends!
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