Horror Extreme Movie Catalog

This movie is officially The Worst Thing Ever Filmed, and I am relieved to see that the manufacturer has discontinued it. If the statute of limitations didn't prevent it, I would suggest creating a petition to gather support for a class-action lawsuit against the creators of this audiovisual abomination.

Some of the other reviewers compare this movie to Airplane! or the Naked Gun movies. Others claim that this is a satire, a spoof, or "so good it's bad." That's what I expected when I bought this movie, and unfortunately those reviewers are wrong. You may notice that Amazon's list of actors for this movie does NOT mention Leslie Nielsen, despite his presence being the reason for the name change from The Creature Wasn't Nice to Naked Space. There's a reason for this; I am convinced that the part of Leslie Nielsen in this movie was played by a disguised animatronic Al Gore-bot that had its comedy circuits removed with a ball-peen hammer.

You see, there is a spectrum of awfulness when it comes to movies. When something is just a little below par, we can call it mediocre, and there are any number of examples; Batman and Robin will suffice here. Below that, it's simply bad, like perhaps the first Evil Dead. Below that, it's terrible; a random Children of the Corn sequel slots in right about here. Below that, we start to get into "so bad it's good" territory, as epitomized by movies like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Evil Dead 2, and (of course) The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

The problem is, the spectrum doesn't stop there; the bad just keeps on coming. After "so bad it's good" we get to "so bad it's even worse" - such as House of the Dead, with its videogame frames. (Yes, the movie actually features quick shots from the video game it was licensed from. Complete with health bars.)

If Batman and Robin is the ground floor and House of the Dead is the sub-subbasement, then The Creature Wasn't Nice is the septic tank under the shallow grave that was dug in the root cellar of that sub-subbasement. Yes, it's that bad.

You see, this movie commits all the unforgivable sins of spoofs. First of all, it's not funny. I will grant that I laughed once at the sheer absurdity of "I Want to Eat Your Face," and that's what saves this movie from being under (or inside) the aforementioned septic tank. Second, the sex appeal that a spoof like this MUST have is practically nonexistent; the single scene of Cindy Williams (yes, "Shirley," as in "Laverne and") in a one-piece swimsuit simply does not qualify. Third, having Leslie Nielsen walk around repeating what someone else says is not a running gag. It's not even a gag. It's a waste of comic talent.

Finally, there's the music. For music to work in a comedy, the one thing the songs cannot be is lackluster. Very good songs work, and very bad songs work, but forgettable songs are deadly. Whether you like Rocky Horror or despise it, you must admit that the songs are good. On the other hand, the catchiest song in this movie is the previously mentioned "I Want to Eat Your Face" - and that line is all I can remember of it.

The only way this movie can reasonably be compared to Leslie Nielsen's other work is as one would compare a firebombed Yugo to a pristine Ferrari - yes, they're both automobiles, and both of them are subject to the laws of physics, but that's about it.

If you want to see a funny movie with Leslie Nielsen and a spaceship, go watch Airplane II. On the other hand, if you want to break a prisoner who's proven resistant to all other forms of torture, make him watch this movie. If you really want to push the Geneva Conventions past the breaking point, make him watch it twice.

I regret having to write this review, as I am normally a staunch defender of Leslie Nielsen's films and of the genres or parody and satire. Unfortunately, this is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. What is most astounding for a movie of this budget and quality is that not only did the producers rope Nielsen into this, but Patrick Macnee and Cindy Williams as well. Mercifully given the cast, the title is figurative and no actual nudity is featured in this travesty. The film was originally released in 1983 as "The Creature Wasn't Nice," and has also been titled "Spaceship." It was apparently re-released periodically to capitalize on Nielsen's waxing and waning popularity.

The film is a very lame spoof of all things sci-fi, and most directly of "Alien." The crew of a spaceship under the command of Leslie Nielsen lands on an alien planet and brings back a red jellied life form, making Dr. Stark (Macnee) ecstatic because he has finally found something to name after himself. Macnee gets my vote for most entertaining in the cast with a few decent lines; he is over the top here, but the material lets him down. Cindy Williams is the gratuitous female onboard, and performs what I thought was the worst song and dance number in screen history to entertain the crew. That record was eclipsed about twenty minutes later when the red jelly, now fully grown into a ridiculous gelatinous blob of mucilage, sings a song called "I Want To Eat Your Face." If this sounds entertaining, you might be wrong: it reminded me of when I had a wisdom tooth extracted by a military dentist.

I won't divulge the fate of the cast, although I will say that as the cast was thinned I was increasingly enthusiastic as I knew that the film was counting down to the end. Before I conclude, I have to give special mention to Gerrit Graham who played Rodzinski. Graham's presence in this film absolutely ensured failure: he was supposed to be obnoxious, but in reality he was so grating that I was almost unable to finish the movie. I suppose this was the result the director wanted, but I can't figure out why. The Rodzinski character has the worst dialogue, never rising above the level of junior high school locker room banter, in this whole insipid mess and rarely have I disliked a character as much. The only other onscreen persona I can recall disliking this much is, uncoincidentally, also in this movie: the ship computer, "Max," has a personality, and the personality is that of a bad AM disc jockey playing personal favorites. Need I say more?

I love good satire and parody: I adored "Airplane!" and most of Nielsen's other work. I also like genuinely bad camp films, with Ed Wood being a personally favorite anti-genius. The problem here is that there are some relatively big names in a cast that is utterly wasted on the material: some things can't be saved, and this is one of them.

For a much better horror spoof, I highly recommend the relatively recent "Lost Skeleton of Cadavra," which has a great cast, an entertaining story, and fidelity to the original genre being parodied.