Horror Extreme Movie Catalog

I am a BIG fan of bad movies, and have often said that the worse a movie was, the better I liked it. But I now see that there is a point at which a movie can be so bad that even I cannot abide it.

Well, lets first look at the positives. First, and thankfully, it was short. I can take being water-boarded for 54 minutes without spilling my guts so making it through this movie was a walk in the park. It really was over before the true awfulness of the movie had a chance to sink in. If it had been 90 minutes it would have been a different story, I probably would have had to commit suicide. Secondly, and here is the funny part, the transfer was EXTREMELY good. Flawless in fact, one of the best I have ever seen. Where did they find an original print of this movie in such good condition? Also, the quality of the DVD itself was really good, the thing is twice as thick as most DVDs. I guess in a pinch you could sharpen it up and use it like a shurekin. So it stands on technical merit if nothing else. And don't forget Jim's hot babe. She was sexy in a middle-aged trailer trashy sort of way.

Ok, the bad part. Well, that was everything between the opening credits and the end. I put it that way because the opening scene before the credits rolled was pretty avant guarde for 1961. I did not know you could get away with displaying bare jugs on the silver screen in 1961, but there they were. It gets points (and they were a little pointy) for that. Two snaps up to Tony for having the huevos to pull that off. He showed a little streak of Russ Meyer there. But other than that it was just plain unvarnished cinematic awfulness.

The "plot", a defecting scientist, was pretty stock those days, but the whole "wandering out on to Yucca Flats" thing?? I used to live not too far from there and I can assure you that a gnat cannot "wander out on to Yucca Flats" without having guys with machine guns come out of the woodwork. And the sign leading to Yucca Flats is not a piece of cardboard nailed to a tomato stake with "Yucca Flats" written on it with a crayon. As I recall there is mention of "Use of Deadly Force Authorized Beyond This Point" on that sign, which usually deters folks from "wandering" any further.

Tor Johnson (RIP) was the selling point for this flick, but you can only stand so much of an overweight and pitifully out of shape Tor staggering around like a drunk strangling people. And that was pretty much all that happened after the pitiful "chase scene" culminating in his being scorched by a nuke test and degenerating into The Beast. And in the end, when the golden opportunity presented itself, Tor missed the chance to strangle that rabbit or bite it's head off or something. At least that would have had some shock value after those flaccid strangling scenes of his.

The soundtrack......WHAT SOUNDTRACK??? This was essentially a silent movie with a narrative "soundtrack" plastered on it in post production, and everything else Foleyed in at some point. Even the voices of the "actors" were done in narrative style, I thought they stopped doing that after "The Jazz Singer" came out. Not that it really made the movie any harder to watch, it just added to it's overall terribleness.

And that horrible scene where Jim flew around shooting at the wrong guy for half the movie. That went on for way too long, but provided you a nice little "intermission" to go get something to eat or take a dump or something without missing anything of note, as if there was anything to miss.

OK, so why am I giving it three stars you might be thinking?? Well, you cannot give it less than one, and it earns a point for the unbelievably good video transfer, even if the transfer was wasted such a bad movie. That gets it up to two stars. It earns another star simply because it sets the bar to a new cinematic low. Fans of Ed Wood and Phil Tucker can sit back smugly, confident that NOBODY can watch "The Beast" and still think "Plan 9" or "Robot Monster" is the worst movie ever made. The bad movie category now has a new champion.

So, if you are a real glutton for punishment, go ahead and drop the $4.99 for this one, just so you can say you saw it. Pull it out one night when you have some buddies over to watch some bad movies and astound them with your ability to sit through the worst of the lot.

I watched the legendary The Beast Of Yucca Flats for the first time ever on one of those cheapo 50 movie pak DVDs, so there were no extras, save for chapter selection. Given my years of childhood staying awakings throughout the 1970s, and watching every film, it seemed, in the catalogs of such legendary shows as Chiller Theater and Creature Feature, how I missed this is beyond me; especially given that its lead star is the truly legendary Tor Johnson, of Plan 9 From Outer Space infamy.
For those in the know, Johnson was a Swedish wrestler who played a ghoul in Ed Wood's great 1959 bad film, and, were that his only claim to- ok, let's call it `fame,' that would be enough. However, just a mere two years, and it seems 150 or more pounds heavier, Johnson turned in an even better, or badder, role in the 1961 black and white atrocity, The Beast Of Yucca Flats. Ok, perhaps atrocity is too strong, for this film does have a few of the `good' bad aspects that define Wood's film, as well as the classic Robot Monster. Better yet, it clocks in at a mere 54 minutes in length, showing a decency and consideration most bloated Hollywood bombs never show their viewers. However, it does not have enough of them that it can rank up there with such as the other aforementioned films. Mainly, this is because it lacks all humor....except for the narration (by the film's director, Coleman Francis), which is amongst the worst ever in film, save for its unintended humor. The cinematography, however, has no such caveat, as the poor framing, atrocious editing, and unsynched audio track- the film was filmed silently, then conversations were added in later, but it's a mess, nonetheless, as characters speak only when their faces are not visible, and gunshots ring out only when the pulled guns wander out of frame. Because the director did not care to even allow his actors to speak I don't think it's even necessary to delineate them nominally, so I won't. Besides, would you even watch this film is you knew it starred Bing Stafford as....? No, ain't gonna give you the name of the actor. The reason you're even reading this is because of Tor Johnson, anyway. Back to detailed criticism: even worse than the unsynched audio is the scoring, in which standard 1950s era television `exciting' music clues the viewer into the fact that something `exciting' is going on. Well, not really, but didacticism has its needs. No? Perhaps the worst aspect of the film, however, is the screenplay, written by the multitasking Francis, whose prescience in doing so, decades before the term multitasking was coined, is a marvel.... The Beast Of Yucca Flats is a bad film that is so nonsensical that to emphasize its badness is utterly beside the point, for anyone seeking sense in such a film should have his head examined. See, I can stoop to banality when needed. Oh, and before I forget, parts of the film are in nearly pristine condition, while other reels are streaked and blemished. I just decided to throw that factoid in. And this: the film is dull, unless one factors in the bad narration, which would then make the narration somehow redolent of something deeper, even if the onscreen action is still dull.
But, then there's the (imagine a deep, rich manly voice bellowing) X FACTOR!!!! Tor Johnson, whose utter inability to emote, heroic resistance to gravity's pull on corpulence, and seeming unawareness to differentiate between real life and fiction make him utterly irresistible to the human eye. I challenge any film critic to watch this film, or any of his other classic B film appearances, and state that he dominates the screen like few cinema stars ever have. Granted, a month old festering corpse might attract the same sort of perverse voyeurism, but that's just details. Having seen this film now, I can honestly say I am content to lay down in a desert and have a wild hare nibble at my rotting remains. Although, I doubt I could master Johnson's moving corpse as well. Cue solemn Coleman Francis narration: