Horror Extreme Movie Catalog

You know there are bad movies that leave you wondering....Can I get my money back?!Then there are movies that leave you wondering,I must be the only one that thinks this movie is okay.Well,guys...this is that movie.Sure the acting is sub-standard,the special effects look like they were done in somebody's garage,but damn,this movie is okay.One of the disappointing things is the creature,boy,I've seen and read somethings about the chupacabra,but this thing on the screen looked nothing like it.Yeah,alright,I get it,scary monster,confined area,victims and heroes,BUT COME ON!at least make it resemble the beast with the title of the bloody movie mate!You should know what to expect from the sci-fi channel by now gang,bad scripts,over rated spfxs,and bad acting.Overall,I must say this movie kind'a grows on you and you get use to it.If you over look that bad acting,etc;etc;this movie could be watched with the family to a point.Gory blood,fleshing ripping monster,etc;etc.John Rhys-davies is still pretty good enough to get the movie to its climax.In short,I must say this is one of those movies that you can watch on one of those slow,rainy days.

There was a time when actor John Rhys-Davies was at the top of his game. Respected. Admired. Those days are long gone. The venerable thespian who once graced the silver screen in classic films like "Raiders of the Lost Ark" now co-stars in movies with David Charvet, Vanessa Angel, and Maxwell Caulfield. Surely it's only a matter of time before we see him alongside Casper Van Dien or Lorenzo Lamas. Don't believe me? Check out his filmography on a certain popular online movie website. His recent credits include such Sci Fi Channel fare as "Sabretooth," "Dragon Storm," and this laughable exercise in hilarious horror, "Chupacabra Terror". Additional confirmation of my charges, as though I need to provide more evidence, can be found by accessing the cast list of Uwe Boll's upcoming film "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale". There you will see Rhys-Davies's name prominently displayed. Uwe Boll! That's the kiss of death as far as I'm concerned. I understand that working as an actor in Hollywood is tough, that you take whatever roles you can get to keep the checks coming in, but appearing in a film like "Chupacabra Terror" will not win you many fans.

"Chupacabra Terror" tells the story of a crazed scientist named Pena (Giancarlo Esposito hamming it up with nary a care for his future) caught up in a quest to capture the fabulous Chupacabra. Doing so will obviously elevate his career from the dusty climes of academia to superstar status. Interviews. Book deals. A movie of the week. Think of the fame and fortune if he can only catch one of these critters! With that in mind, we see Pena launching an expedition somewhere in South America in an effort to capture the Chupacabra. And after the beast slays a substantial number of his heavily armed hunters, the good doctor does just that. Now he must sneak the beastie on board a ship captained by a chap called Randolph (Rhys-Davies channeling Captain Stubing). Just in case the audience gets bored, there's a subplot involving a U.S. Marshal named Lance (Dylan Neal) investigating a robbery aboard the ship. Could the criminal in question be conniving Rick McGraw (David Millbern)? Who knows. What I can say is that Randolph's daughter Jenny (Chelan Simmons) also works on the ship as a Tae Bo instructor. I know what you're thinking. Forget it--her fit figure doesn't save the film.

So now we're on the boat. A couple of stupid idiots manage to release the Chupacabra from a box that boasts more warning signs than a barrel of toxic waste. Predictably, the beast kills these dolts and then proceeds to rampage around the ship. Meanwhile, Randolph entertains Rick, Lance, his daughter, Dr. Pena, and the elderly Mrs. Voorhees (Paula Shaw) at the captain's table. The only thing missing here is Gopher, Doc, and Julie from "The Love Boat". Anyway, insipid dialogue follows. Then news of the bloody rampage unfolding below reaches the principal characters. At least I think that's what happens. All I know is that I started slipping into coma after watching Millbern try to inject his character with something resembling charm. We soon learn that no one is safe from this supernatural creature. Worse, it's extremely difficult to kill the thing because it can crawl up walls and across the ceiling, creep around in tight spaces, and absorb all forms of punishment. Bullets, Tae Bo, electricity, acid, nuclear weapons--nothing seems to harm this bad boy. A crack team (ha!) of Navy personnel can't even stop the Chupacabra. Maybe the zipper on the costume acts as a sort of force field, eh?

What a dumb film. Director John Sheppird must have lost a bet with someone. That's the only explanation I can think of as to why he would helm this nightmare. Of course, he also wrote the script, so that might explain what's going on. Let's see...what's wrong with the picture? The acting, characters, special effects, set pieces, lighting, and just about anything else you can think of that takes place on a movie set, basically. Only Rhys-Davies manages to make anything remotely associated with this flick believable. I quickly assumed "Chupacabra Terror" was a comedy since I kept laughing until tears ran down my face. The campy looking creature. Jenny's Tae Bo combat sequences. The effeminate Rick McGraw's attempts to woo Mrs. Voorhees. All of these things, and so much more besides, come off as stupid, ineffectual and downright funny. Even the gore elicits more chuckles than scares. The movie's so cheap they can't even show arterial sprays; they have to toss a bucket of blood from off camera to simulate the effect. Sigh. By the time we see Rhys-Davies, with captain's hat jauntily placed on his head, watching his ship sink from a rowboat filled with survivors, I knew I was knee deep in crud cinema.

I'm going to give "Chupacabra Terror" two stars, sort of a kick in the shins from me to the movie for making me sit through ninety minutes of pure heartache. I would give it a single star, but I laughed so much that I think I should kick it up a notch. Incredibly, the experience doesn't end with the credits. The DVD version of "Chupacabra Terror" contains a short behind the scenes featurette and a commentary track! Yes, a commentary track with director/screenwriter John Sheppird and co-writer Steve Jankowski graces the disc. I gave it a listen hoping to hear an apology. Instead I heard a lot of movie mumbo jumbo that does nothing to alleviate the agony I experienced while watching this car wreck. They also failed to explain why the Navy personnel wore what looked like bicycle helmets while battling the beastie. Must have been those defense budget cuts during the Clinton years. Avoid this movie at all costs.