Horror Extreme Movie Catalog

As The Thirst starts up, it wouldn't come to a surprise if one were to think this is an absolutely horrible flick just by watching the first few minutes. Between some horrid acting and just some generally confusing plot elements, it is easy to think this. Still, there's something about The Thirst that keeps you watching, and there's some depraved fun to be had as well, even though that doesn't last quite long. Matt Keeslar (Masters of Horror: Family) and Clare Kramer (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) star as a couple who are recovering addicts, and both get drawn to a vampire clan led by accent-changing Darius (Jeremy Sisto). It isn't long before blood starts gushing like water, and the two face a new addiction while they begin to rebel against their new "family". While there is a great amount of blood, gore, and nasty moments, The Thist doesn't offer a whole lot. There are many times when its small budget becomes too aparrent, and many of the action and effects sequences don't help things either. Even the supporting cast, which includes Serena Scott Thomas, Tom Lenk (another Buffy vet), Neil Jackson (Blade: The Series), and the great Adam Baldwin come off as not being too interested in what's going on. Still, there's enough bloody and nasty moments to hold your attention, and for that alone, The Thirst is worth a look for vampire flick fans.

"The Thirst" may not be the worst vampire film I've ever seen, but it's far from the best, even by B-movie standards. But if you're a vampire-philic gorehound looking for 90 minutes to kill, you may want to give this a whirl. It stars "Buffy" alum Clare Kramer (murderous blonde goddess from season 5 ring a bell?) with strong support from petite sexpot Charlotte Ayana (most notably seen playing a vamp herself in The Insatiable) and Firefly's Adam Baldwin. Geek factor: engaged. The story is stupid and blatantly rip off superior films like Near Dark and even points out some of the annoying similarities to Sid & Nancy itself.

Yes, this is a story of vampire junkies. Blood junkies. In love. A more obnoxiously and clumsily executed allegory I could not imagine. But for we real life blood junkies, this flick delivers big time. This may well be the single bloodiest vampire movie I've ever seen. I'm not sure if that deserves praise when every little nick on the arm creates a torrent of red fluid so profuse that dubbing it "arterial spray" just doesn't cut it. It's almost slapstick. The characters are almost across-the-board lame, the protagonists unlikeable, the "detox" scene is embarrassing, and I seriously wanted to harm the actresses paying a pair of grimy feral she-vamps who spend every on-camera second making the most obnoxious noises you can imagine and generally behaving like twin spastics on meth (in fact, that's the exact direction I imagine the director giving them on the set) and yet I enjoyed this movie for several reasons. Reasons one and two: nudity and gore, the saviors of many a half-aSzed vampire flick. Reason three: I actually loved the scene where the protagonist attempts to "turn" his friend and fails. I've never seen it happen before, it adds a degree of reality, and it's just a great eye-opening scene for both audience and character that worked. And reason four: the music was pretty interesting and varied.

If I were a bull, I would have demolished my television because all I saw was red. And I wasn't angry. Lots of blood and quality over-the-top gore: check. Exposed breasts: double check (I made a funny!). Vampire family that wants to be from "Near Dark" and Texas Chainsaw Massacre (dinner scene and everything) at the same time: check. Burning bodies aplenty: check. Goth dance club where the undead lie in wait to have blood orgy with unsuspecting sado-masochists: check. Dracula reference: check. This is exactly what you'd expect from a movie titled "the Thirst". It shouldn't be at the top of your must-see list, but if you're in the mood then this will scratch your B-movie itch. A renter, for sure, but not a buyer.