Horror Extreme Movie Catalog

I often wonder if when Dario Argento passes a beautiful woman while walking down the street, does he think to himself "I'd love to kill the hell out of her!". The man has both a talent and a fetish for taking the sexiest women he can find and doing abominably brutal things to them on film. Not a complaint, mind you; just an observation. A wise man once proclaimed "death by Argento is heavenly". Indeed, there is no more stylish way for a gorgeous actress to go out then in a torrent of red in one of the man's horror films. "Tenebre" has the highest onscreen bodycount of any Argento film I've seen so far and that's an accomplishment in itself. It's a rather by-the-book murder-mystery which often pays homage to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's tales of Sherlock Holmes both in word and in story. Its an exceptionally watchable film for more casual viewers who don't take their horror with Argento's usual doses of surrealism and is an all-around solid entry into Italy's pantheon of giallo classics.

10 things I learned from "Tenebre":

1) Don't ever give a Doberman attitude.
2) Butterfaces = transsexuals. It's Crying Game time!
3) Clubbing yourself with a rock: surprisingly sound strategy.
4) Trick razor blades are fun and practical. Fool your friends!
5) Lesbian lover's spats are HOT...and invariably lead to horrible death.
6) Horrible death: also hot.
7) Red paint prices going up or just to lazy to pick up a brush? Try dismemberment!
8) When running away from a serial killer, always face away from the impending death regardless of your hotness or the camera's location.
9) Keep all wooden fences in good repair at all times.
10) Argento REALLY likes red.

"Tenebre" is another outstanding entry to the genre from the master and should entertain nearly any fan of murder-mysteries and/or horrific violence. The score is amazing, the red keeps a-flowin', the clothes keep a-coming off of the women, and the mystery will keep you guessing until the end makes you shout "bulls!+!" at your television. But all's fair in love, war, and mysteries so deal with it. I'm not a fan of the genre due to the rigid formulaic nature of the storytelling, but I occasionally partake and as far as giallo goes, you can scarcely do better than this.

I can't fight this feeling anymore. Time for another quick Argento review.

This movie rules! A pretty straight forward slasher/giallo from the master. The plot is simple, the kills are unique and well-orchestrated. And bloody. Just some high impact violence that won't leave you any scars. If you liked Bird with the Crystal Plumage, you'll love this.

Dario, I'm gonna keep on loving you. It's the only thing I wanna do. I don't wanna sleep, I just wanna keep on--okay I'll stop. I believe it's time for me to fly...